Reminiscing

Yes I am still alive and surviving going from 3 to 4. It's actually part of why I have been so absent the last few months. Just trying to survive.

I was just sitting here rocking Kendyl back to sleep. (She is my worst baby at sleeping but that's for another time) it's actually raining tonight here is AZ and I have my window open. There is something soothing about the sound and smell of the rain! It brings me back to when Clay and I were newlyweds. We lived in Port Angeles WA. It's crazy to think that was 10 yrs ago. I found myself feeling a little homesick for that time and place in our lives. We grew so much in those two years. We moved up there with only what we could pack in our car and the number of a lady in our church. We showed up at momma D's house and she welcomed us with open arms. The next day she helped us find a job for Clay and we got this little apartment. It's funny to think of that little place. It used to be a hotel so our apartment was like 2 hotel rooms ha ha but it was home. Other ward members for our church soon showed up with some furniture and we  bought our first bed an air mattress!!! In the middle of the night Clay would have to turn on the pump and pump it up ha ha it was all we needed. Eventually one of our new friends let us have her bed since she had a different one she was using. We used it the whole 2 yrs we were there! We were so blessed and there were a lot of other things that happened and people I met that I will always hold dear.

So now as I lay with my sleeping baby thinking about how far we have come I am feeling blessed again. We have 4 amazing and healthy kids. My husband has overcome an addiction and been able to stay clean for a year now. I get to stay home with my girls. I get to be involved in my boys school. I can pay it forward and serve others just like momma D and so many others have done for us. I do miss the days of just Clay and I and the simpler times. I wouldn't trade it but for tonight I  going to fall asleep thinking and reminiscing of the good old days!!!

That is where journey started from 3 to 4!

PS I am pretty sure one of my dear friends from WA is having her baby and that's why it's raining in AZ to let me know and feel like I am there with her!!!

Potty training and life

So I have been contemplating starting potty training with CarLee. She is only 2.5 and my boys were both over 3 before we started. She has just seemed more ready and to be honest I am just tired of changing 2 kids ALL the time. So Wednesday she actually said she wanted to wear underwear so I took that as a sign and we started. She was so excited to do it until it came to sitting on the toilet a lot! She had a few accidents but it was not bad. The next day I had planned to stay home. I bought marshmallows to use to bribe her and I was confident that it was going to happen. Boy was I wrong!!! It was the worst. She didn't want to sit and when she did she was just playing with EVERYTHING!!!!! She had a bunch of accidents and finally I had enough. I told her never mind let's put on a diaper you are not ready. She was not to happy about it but she let me put her in a diaper. About 10 min later she said I need to go potty took off her diaper and went pee!! That child will not do anything unless it's her idea. I wish I could say from then on it was a breeze and now she is potty trained but that's not what happened. She is back to wearing diapers but will sometimes tell me she wants to sit on the potty. Bottom line she is not ready and as much as I wish she was its not worth the frustration I was feeling every time she had an accident and being mad at her about it.

What I did learn is sometimes life is like potty training. When we force things before they are ready like relationships, careers, goals, ect.. It feels like a bunch of accidents and things hey in the way. We might feel frustrated or angry either usually it's with ourselves for pushing something to soon. Once we take the pressure off and wait for the right time it will be less messy and more enjoyable!

So if you start potty training your life before it's ready you will know because of all the shit you will have to clean up ;)

My lesson going from 3 to 4!!!!

It's been awhile

So I am writing this when I really should be asleep but it's just been so long I needed to take the time to write.
It has been a crazy crazy 2 months! I have been struggling feeling motivated to do anything hence my lack of writing. I started to reflect and realized how much I loved sharing my life and stories and that it was something I was going to make time to do again. Also I am ready to start being a Herbalife health coach again. I miss how I felt sticking to my plan and how it felt to help others. There are a few more exciting ventures I am working on but those are to be kept confidential for a little longer.
Anyway to to a quick catch up! We loved spending Thanksgiving in St. George with Clay's family and we even got to see his oldest brother. The kids had a blast and as always were spoiled with attention from grandma and grandpa! I love that I get along with my in-laws and that I really am comfortable in their home.
December came and went so fast!! Clay finished his first semester back to school and did really well. He is all signed up for this next semester then can hopefully apply for the nursing program. I the meantime he is working really hard and something I have always loved and admired about him is he always takes pride in his job and want to be the best at whatever that's is. In Washington it was the video store. Montana he worked at a mini golf place. He has had several jobs here is AZ and he has always been seen as a valued employee and someone they can count on. Ok i know a little side tracked but I just have to praise him a little!!
Also in December my parents bought a house and we all moved into it Tuesday before Christmas! It was crazy but all my brothers were around so we got it done. We are now slowly getting it all settled in and its starting to feel more and more like home.
I think that was one reason I put my life aside this last few months. There was some uncertainty, but now we know we will be here and I can work on making our space home. I do feel some guilt moving my boys again but I know they can handle it.
Kendyl has continued to be my pickiest baby or maybe it's just that I have 3 other kids to take care of. She loves to be held and just fights falling asleep.
CarLee is always keeping us on our toes. She wants to be part of everything and do everything. Just when she is driving you crazy she does something super cute so you can't stay mad. I think I am in for a world of trouble with her ha ha!!
Karson is well Karson! He was such a great helper during the move and since then with painting and any job we can give him. He still has quite the fire in him but he does love to help!
Caden oh Caden! I am in trouble with him. He is all drama and sadly I think that's how I was with my parents also. He also is one that was great playing with the younger kids but he did not want to help move in. He is nervous about starting school bit he will be good.
So there is a quick recap. I will do better and go back to at least 2 a week. Love you all and hope you have a great New Year's!!!!

Thanksgiving

There has been a lot that has happened in this last year and I am so thankful for all of it. Without my experiences and challenges I would not be who and where I am today.

I am thankful for my husband and best friend. We have gone through so much together and just keep growing stronger not apart. I am so proud of him for making some tough choices this year that will better him and our family. In December it will be 8 months pill free and he will finish his first semester back to school to go into nursing.

We completed our  family with the addition of our sweet baby Kendyl Rose! She is already strong willed and knows what she wants. She has a smile that will melt your heart and her siblings love and take care of her so well.

I have 2 kids in school now!! Caden is in 2nd grade and played his first season of flag football and loved it!! Karson is in kindergarten and is still my most challenging and yet rewarding child!

I decided it was time for me to be home with the kids again. That was a hard decision just because I loved my job but now I wouldn't change being home for anything! I started my blog which has been so fun and I am working on a new business idea to hopefully start this next year.

I love all my family and friends! You have all helped make this a year to be thankful for. I hope you all had a great thanksgiving where ever you may be!

Thanksgiving 2015 from 3 to 4.

Homework

So I am going to rant just a little!! Now remember I use to work in the education system and have also been going to school to get my teaching degree so I get it! I get that there is so much you are expected to teach without the time and resources. I get that parent involvement is important. So as an educator I understand why you have to send homework home but as a parent I HATE it!!!

My boys are in kindergarten and 2nd grade and I hate fighting with them to make them do their homework. To be honestly most of the time I don't MAKE them do it. Now when Caden was in kindergarten he had a monthly homework calander. Everyday there was something he had to do and then turn it in at the end of the month. I was working at the time and most of the time we were scrambling to get if finished by the day before it was due. The thing with kindergarten is usually you have to have the parent sit down and help them in order to get it done. So I would try and help him while working on dinner or multitasking folding laundry or something else. I was never good at giving him my full attention with his homework.

Now when Caden was in 1st grade it was a weekly homework packet. That was better but still we would be up Thursday night or Friday morning trying to finish.

This year is better for Caden because I think it's easier. He just has spelling to do everyday. Also he can do it on his own but we still don't always get it all done.
I just feel like after spending all day at school its hard to get them to sit down and continue more work. They already have less recesse then we used to. Kids just don't get the free/play time that I remember having. So I understand them not wanting to sit and do homework.

Then there is the nightly reading we are suppose to do. I know how important it is to read to your kids but at the end of the day when they are getting in bed most nights I just want them to go to sleep so I can go to bed. It's selfish but my days are long staying home with kids that at night I don't want to freak with it anymore.

With that all being said I know I need to work on reading more with my boys and I need them to know it's important to be a good student so I guess I better step it up and help them get their homework done!!! So there is my rant and resolution to be a better parent and make sure they get it done!!!

Jack

I am so so sad today!! Our dog that we rescued from the shelter about 2 yrs ago is going back. When we got Jack he was a loving dog. He followed the boys around everywhere. We would never go far from us. CarLee could sit on him and he would do nothing. About 2 weeks after having him CarLee came up behind him and scared him. She was at his level and he bit her. We were a little nervous it happened one more time after but he was not attacking her just a quick reaction nip.
We started being more cautions. And thing were good. He would sleep with the boys every night. Then a while later like months he started to growl at strangers if they came to the house. He even nipped at my aunt. So we started to put him in his kennel when people came over.

One day the kids had a friend over and Jack got out. Everything was OK then the friend got to close to his face and he reacted. I felt horrible!!! The bite was reported and he had to serve 10 days in our home in quarantine. Since then we always had him put away when people came over. He was good with family my parents, siblings their kids but just didn't do other people.

About 5 days ago someone knocked on the door. My brother thought it was me so he opened the door and the dogs ran out. Jack bit the lady at the door. Since my brother has some disabilities we are unaware of the details. No one was home. The lady was doing census stuff and was able to ask him her questions. When I got home he told me about it but she didn't leave any info so I had no way to check and see what happened.

Well fast forward to today we get a knock on the door and its animal control. The bite was reported and now Jack needs to go to quarantine. Because he was not updated on his registration he had to serve his quarantine at the shelter. I have been battling what the best choice is. It cost $30 a day to quarantine, $29 registration and $35 rabies shot. That's almost over $200!!! He had been getting worst and growling at anyone that comes over. I hate that he had to stay in a room when others come over and we can't take him anywhere. He still sleeps with my boys every night and is a great dog at home with our family!!

This is when we first got Jack

Update

We decided to keep him and work with him at home. I talked to a dog trainer and she was so kind to take time out and give me some advice. She made me feel like there is hope and we can get him back to how he was at the start. So now we have some things in place to help him and us. I want to do some training with him but it will have to be after the holidays since it is costly.

I know for some it would be a deal breaker but I feel like we made a commitment to be dog owners and we rescued him so we should try everything to keep him. I was not ready to break my kids hearts!! Now I feel even more determined to make it work!!

Ha-ha one more thing to add to the crazy journey from 3-4!!

Little moments

     Yesterday was a day of little moments. Moments that made me laugh, ponder, question, cry inside, smile and most of all feel grateful!!

     I know this happens everyday but I was more aware of the moments this time and it was a good reminder to appreciate all the things in life. I want to share a few of my moments with you!

     Laugh: my boys were playing superheros and Karson asked Caden how old he was. Caden's response 50 Karson says well I am 44 ha ha then they both decided they wanted to be 44!!!

     Ponder: I was talking to my mom and she mentioned how in her classroom's they are having/experiencing a lot of behavior problems. (She is over headstart so these are kids 3-5) the teachers are at a loss of what to do. The reality is these kids and kids everywhere today are having to deal with a lot at s young age. More then I ever had to between 3-5 yrs old. How much the world had changed and what can I do to help and raise my kids how to deal with life.

     Question: Karson had a melt down today after he got a toy at Goodwill and he found out it was not what he wanted. As he was having this major melt down I found myself questioning my parenting with him. I started asking questions of myself on what are his needs that are not being met and good can I help him get the help he needs. Theses are questions I dint have all the answers to but they are questions I need to ask so that I can help my son.

     Cry inside: my sweet Karson is struggling. His emotions are super intense and it is usually anger first. Today towards the end of his meltdown he started to open up and recognize his other feelings and he told me his body is just so frustrated all the time and that he doesn't like it when I tell at him. It broke my heart! This poor little guy feels so deeply but can't figure out how to handle it. He acts out and I end up losing it because he tries to hurt or bother everyone else and then end up adding to the problem.

     Smile: I got to hang out and watch my niece this morning. She was so cute and fun to have around. We went to a park and met up with my cousin and her kids and I got them all together to take some pictures!! They were so cute and goofing off. It made me smile!!!

     Grateful: this was the feeling I had most and ended the day with. As I lay here next to my sweet healthy baby girl I am so grateful for my family! My kids, husband mom and dad, brothers, sister's and friends. I am blessed to have great people in my life and to have an amazing life full of these precious moments. Moments that remind me why we are here to experience and learn what this life is all about!! Grateful I am on this journey from 3 to 4!!!