Little moments

     Yesterday was a day of little moments. Moments that made me laugh, ponder, question, cry inside, smile and most of all feel grateful!!

     I know this happens everyday but I was more aware of the moments this time and it was a good reminder to appreciate all the things in life. I want to share a few of my moments with you!

     Laugh: my boys were playing superheros and Karson asked Caden how old he was. Caden's response 50 Karson says well I am 44 ha ha then they both decided they wanted to be 44!!!

     Ponder: I was talking to my mom and she mentioned how in her classroom's they are having/experiencing a lot of behavior problems. (She is over headstart so these are kids 3-5) the teachers are at a loss of what to do. The reality is these kids and kids everywhere today are having to deal with a lot at s young age. More then I ever had to between 3-5 yrs old. How much the world had changed and what can I do to help and raise my kids how to deal with life.

     Question: Karson had a melt down today after he got a toy at Goodwill and he found out it was not what he wanted. As he was having this major melt down I found myself questioning my parenting with him. I started asking questions of myself on what are his needs that are not being met and good can I help him get the help he needs. Theses are questions I dint have all the answers to but they are questions I need to ask so that I can help my son.

     Cry inside: my sweet Karson is struggling. His emotions are super intense and it is usually anger first. Today towards the end of his meltdown he started to open up and recognize his other feelings and he told me his body is just so frustrated all the time and that he doesn't like it when I tell at him. It broke my heart! This poor little guy feels so deeply but can't figure out how to handle it. He acts out and I end up losing it because he tries to hurt or bother everyone else and then end up adding to the problem.

     Smile: I got to hang out and watch my niece this morning. She was so cute and fun to have around. We went to a park and met up with my cousin and her kids and I got them all together to take some pictures!! They were so cute and goofing off. It made me smile!!!

     Grateful: this was the feeling I had most and ended the day with. As I lay here next to my sweet healthy baby girl I am so grateful for my family! My kids, husband mom and dad, brothers, sister's and friends. I am blessed to have great people in my life and to have an amazing life full of these precious moments. Moments that remind me why we are here to experience and learn what this life is all about!! Grateful I am on this journey from 3 to 4!!!

Being Mom

Let me start by saying I love being a mom and I love all 4 of my kids. They bring so much joy into my life. I love watching them grow and am lucky to be able to be an active part in their lives.

With that being said I really want to address the unsaid parts of being a stay at home mom to little ones. (I can't tell you how it is as they get older but I am sure it comes with its own list).

First you are NEVER alone!!! My 2yr old even wants to follow me into the bathroom. On top of that because i wipe her she thinks she should help me wipe!!! It's not like when I was working and I would be gone for 8 hrs then come home and enjoy all the time together. As soon as my husband walks in the door I usually hand him the baby and head to the bathroom just to pee in peace.

Second you don't have very many adult conversations and when you do talk to another mom it's usually about being a mom. I was driving with my brother and the girls the other day. I was talking to McKay when CarLee yells from the back "mom talk to me" ha ha ha like i funny anyway talk to her all day long!! At night I find myself talking to Clay about anything and everything and really trying to make my day seem productive and exciting but let's face it it's not.

Third it's hard to find a reason to get dressed. I mean I will get dressed do my hair and makeup go to the store then come home and get my sweats back on and that's on a good day. Most of the time I am wearing my sweats to the store. Why get all ready just to be spilled, spit up, and  popped on. I miss the days of getting ready and actually going somewhere without the kids.

Fourth not being able to explain what I do all day and why nothing is done. I feel like I am constantly busy but at the end of the day there are half started jobs all over. A half loaded dishwasher, laundry folded but not put away, one room picked up but not vacuumed, half a table wiped off ha ha even only half my bed made!!! It's because I start something then as I go to change CarLee I notice their laundry then I start that and noticed the table half way through that I have to chase CarLee before she gets out the door and so on and so on!

Fifth thing is the mom guilt!! Mom guilt is the worst. As a mom you want to raise "good" kids and be a"good" mom. But everyday has another challenge and I will be the first to admit I lose my cool more often then not! I will find myself yelling at my kids then the guilt comes in and its too late. My kids will fight and like fist flying fight and I can usually find some way to blame my mom skills. My kids homework is not done, they ate donuts for breakfast, they didn't eat breakfast, my kids don't know how to tie their shoes and the most can go on!! Pinterest is also no help if you are having a mom guilt moment. All the post about fun healthy snacks or creative things to do with your toddler. Most of the time I can get over the mom guilt and move on but it can be a debilitating thing if you let it. A little mom guilt might help you make a change for the best but to much will paralyze you from seeing the good you are doing.

So now that might rant is over I do enjoy being home with my kids. I know this is what I chose when we got married and started our family. During the hard times my mom tells me this phase will pass and someday you will miss it. I am sure that's true but I think it's OK and good to admit it's not always perfect and enjoyable. If you are a mom and you have never felt any of these good for you and please share your secret. If you have felt these feelings just know you are not alone I have been there many times and will be there more on my journey from 3 to 4!

24 hrs in a day

I have been thinking lately about how much I want and need to do and how it seems I don't have any time and energy to do any of it.

The things i need and want to do are not bad or even selfish. I want to do better with reading every night with my kids, I want to have a clean house, play with my girls, help Caden with football, teach Karson to ride a bike. I want to do my schooling, workout everyday, read my scriptures, do different projects, cook new Pinterest recipes ect....

So now that I am a stay at home mom why can I not "find" the time to do some or all of these things? I mean I have a hard time even scheduling Dr appointment's and paying bills. I find when I do get to do one of the things I want to do I feel like I accomplished something but then remind myself how much further I need to go and did I really make time for the important things first.

Recently I have been taking stock in my life. I have noticed that I don't have as much patience and am constantly feeling rushed but I don't have anything I HAVE to feel rushed for.

This is what I have realized. I have been letting my life run me instead of me run life. Sure life is busy with 4 kids a husband who  works 40 hrs then has school, kids sports, cooking dinner, laundry, dishes ect... But that is life, well part of life. If I step back and start to enjoy the busyness of the day I think the rushed feeling will start to fade. Yes there are things I need to do and things I want to do but I also think there is room for both if I just take control of my life again.

How do I do that? Here is some of my ideas.

1) get a calander/planner and have everything down. This way as things come up I can put it down right away and prepare for it accordingly.

2) plan and shop for meals ahead of time. Then when it comes time to cook I have everything and am ready. Also if I want to try a Pinterest  recipe I can have everything to do so.

3) declutter my life! Really prioritize what's important and what's not. Those things that are adding unneeded stress I need to get rid of.

4) every night make a to do list. Everyday is different and if the night before I write a to do list for the next day I can be ready to get it done.

5) last I need to do some personal development everyday and reflect on the way things are going and how the day before went.

So starting today this is my plan!! I hope it helps me take control of this crazy life going from 3 to 4!!!!

PS I would love to hear what you so to stay focused and gain control in your life.

Re comitted

About 6 months after I had CarLee I weighed the most I ever had without being pregnant. I was 175 lbs. I was tired, has no energy, would get headaches. Because we were both working and I didn't have energy I never wanted to cook which meant we ate out a lot and it was usually fast food.

A friend of ours was always posting things on his Facebook and looking good and feeling great. Finally Clay reached out to him and we got started on our Herbalife plan.

Clay quickly lost 17 lbs and I lost 15 lbs. We both had energy and I wanted to cook and be more healthy. Before I got pregnant with Kendyl I had lost 40 lbs and was 10 lbs away from my goal weight which before Herbalife I never would have thought I could reach it.

I continued on my modified plan while I was pregnant. I had a healthy pregnancy and my delivery and recovery was pretty fast. But I kind of lost my motivation and the last 3 months since she was born I have been back to my old ways.

I am 10lbs away from being where I was before I got pregnant. I am staying this publicly so I can't back down ha ha. I have the knowledge and tools to get where I want to be. I want to recommit myself to get healthy again. I know I can because I have done it before.

I am not so concerned with the number on the scale I just want to feel good in my clothes again so here is my plan. 2 shakes a day, healthy snack in-between, no more soda(except on dates), go to the gym 4-5 days a week and no more sneaking late night treats that will counter all the hard work I will be putting in. Welcome to my recommitted journey to get healthy now that I am going from 3 to 4!!!

3am

So you remember that one time your 3 month old decided that 3:00 was a good time to be awake yeah I do!!!

Since going to sleep around 11:00 tonight Kendyl had woken up 3 times and the third time she decided she wanted to be awake. Now at first I was fine. I knew she would go back to bed so I did the usual things that put her to sleep. Nursed her, rocked her, sang to her not working so I started pulling out the other tricks. Stand and bounce, swinging, swaying. I even made a bottle. Note she is not crying but just not going to sleep and wants to be held standing up.

By now I have gone out to the Family room so I don't wake up Clay. I am starting to feel like a zombie and just want to close my eyes. It's coming up to 4:00.

So remember that other time you got in a fight with your husband but he didn't know? Yep me again!! I started walking back into our room and every time I did I would see my husband sound asleep!! How could he be asleep when I am so obviously tired and dealing with HIS child. You know because anytime you kids do something you don't like they become HIS child ha ha.  I had 2 senerio's playing out in my head.

1. My husband awakes up all on his own to see how distraught I am. He then said to me I have had plenty of sleep and am wide awake (@4:00 in the morning) let me take this sweet child and you sleep. In fact I will go make you breakfast in bed when you are ready to get up. How does 10 am sound!!

2. I start making enough noise so he wakes up only to be greeted by what looks like someone who used to be his wife but with smeared eyes makeup from the day before and a messy pile of hair. I then will pretend like I had nothing to do with him waking up (@4:00 in the morning on one of his only days to sleep in). I would then mumble something about how tired I am and how she won't go to sleep. He would suggest the things I already did and I would just get mad because he should know that already did that. Then he would half awake offer to take her but because he didn't "seem" happy about it I would tell him I am find I can do it and stomp off mad and he would be confused of what just happened.

After weighting the different outcomes I grabbed my bag headed to the car and drive around the block until she fell asleep. I walked back into the house at 5:00. She had finally fell asleep so I climb into bed and went to sleep.

FYI when Kendyl while up again at 7 I did wake up Clay and he took her and made the rest of the kids leave me alone. I did get to sleep until 8:30 and had breakfast ready when I woke up!!!

So next time you want to fight with a sleeping spouse remember you are better off just waiting until they wake up now I know on my journey from 3 to 4!!!

Crazy CarLee

Growing up we used to have what in our family we would call McKay story's. McKay is my brother who has some different disabilities cerebral palsy if among them. A McKay story is one that just makes you smile or laugh. Well my mom now says she has CarLee stories. So I thought I would share a few from this last week.

1) I was driving to the gym in the car with McKay and my two girls. I was talking to McKay when from the back seat I hear a loud "MOM" I look and see she is OK and say "what?" Her reply, "Talk to me!!!!" (Like she doesn't already have my attention all day ha ha!!

2) Clay came home from work and we were talking and I said "do you have class babe?" Now CarLee was in the room so now she calls Clay babe!

3) She has not really gotten jelouse of her sister but she will definitely tell me when she needs my a attention. She usually says 'mom put Kendyl down hold me "

5) last one she had decided she can dress herself now and with that comes changing her own diaper. Here is a picture of her hard at work at getting it on all by herself. Oh and also she does not care if hat pants are on backwards. That's the other pictures and yes those are stickers on her back!!!

Oh my goodness she keeps me on my toes on this journey from 3 to 4!!!!!

Accepting Help

It's finally October!!! I love fall and Halloween. I love cooking chili, soups and fun different fall foods. It's so nice when the weather starts to cool down here. I can wear my boots, sweaters, leggings and scarves. Today it feels like fall. It's overcast and cooler. I decided to go take the kids to get Halloween costumes and then I was going to make chili for dinner. Just to celebrate the fall like day.

So I got the kids all dressed, both my girls wearing leggings. I couldn't find my boots but still wore something a little more fallish. Then we loaded up in the car and headed to Goodwill first to look at Halloween costumes. Didn't really find anything and Kendyl started to cry. I told the boys we will try a different store and we started to head to the door. CarLee was trying to climb out of the cart Kendyl was crying so I took her car seat out of the cart and CarLee got out then I tried to tell Caden to go put the cart away when a nice worker looked at me struggling with the kids and gave me a smile and told me she would take care of the cart. I told her thank you and was able to get all the kids back into the car.
Next we went to the used kids store. This time I strapped Kendyl on me in the carrier and we headed into the store. We found the costumes and the boys started to look at them all. Kendyl was still a little upset so I was trying to do the bounce. CarLee was running to the toys and the boys were trying to put different costumes on. It was crazy but then a store worker came up and have all the kids stickers and I was able to get Kendyl asleep and CarLee to pay close by.  The boys both decided that wanted to be Spiderman. We found then costumes and one was actually on sale so we naught them and went back into the car.
We made just one more store to go. On our way there I was talking to Clay. I asked him if he thought I could just leave the kids in the car while I go into the grocery store. Ha ha he said that would probably not be a good idea. He was right so we unloaded the car and found one of those "loved" car carts. In to the store were went. Everything was going pretty well I got everything for my chili and headed to the check out. Almost home free then Kendyl started to cry and not just a little cry full on screaming crying. I felt the stress start. They could not get to me fast enough ha ha! The checkout lady starts checking me out and I get the car seat out and start to swing it a little the boys are of looking at the candy machines and CarLee is trying to climb out again. Just as I want to scream I hear a voice, "Jenny can I take her?" I turn to see a sweet friend from church. My first reaction was to say oh I got it and go about trying to be super mom but this time I said yes thank you. She helped me get everyone to the car and even put the cart away.
After I got home fed everyone, got the chili in the crock pot and put the girls down for a nap I was able to reflect a little. I feel so blessed for the little acts of service that was offered to me today. It turned out to be a great day but so many times could have been really hard. Thank you to the store workers who went out of their way to give me a smile or just talk to my kids. To my sweet friend who was not feeling good and actually at the store for medicine but seeing my struggle offered a helping hand.
Next time I see a mom struggling I will pay it forward as a mom going from 3 to 4.

Here we are enjoying the nice weather at Caden's practice!!

Life lesson's through football

So my oldest Caden has been playing flag football. He was invited to play on a competitive team that has been playing together for years.

The coach is pretty intense but Caden loves it. It's something some kids can handle and some, like my Karson, would not be able to handle.

The other night we went to get him from practice and he came to the car looking upset. We asked him what happened and he told us that his team was not listening and he was the ONLY one who was so coach made them ALL do bear crawls across the field and back. He was pretty upset and said it made his legs weak and he felt like he couldn't walk. Now remember we do live in Arizona so even at 7pm it's still in the 90°. There was no doubt that his legs were shaky. Then he said to us it was hard! One of the great things about Clay of he is really good at being able to see life lesson's to teach our kids through their experiences.

Clay looked at him and said it's good to do hard things. Caden looked at us and said not for me. Clay then explained how in life we will have to do hard things and sometimes we are not the one who causes it but most of the time it's our choices that lead us to hard things. Clay then said football is a team sport and even if he had the best game ever without the rest of his team they can't win. It's like in life we should do and be the best we can but it will never be good enough without our teammate the Savior.

Then we asked him if he did it. He said yes! So I told him he will probably do it again and it will still be hard but every time he does it will get easier because he is getting stronger.

We will always have trials but by going through them we can come out stronger. Each time we do we know that we can get through it because we have before, the trials might not get easier but we get stronger!

It was a good conversation and teaching moment for us and a great reminder to me!! Here is one of life's lessons through football that I learned on my journey from 3 to 4!!!